opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she told me i tasted like america
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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