I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
