Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I love you. Go after that dick
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