fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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