I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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