I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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