Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
