I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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