How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
