Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
not ubering you a puppy
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
