You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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