She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
