I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
