i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh god it's open bar.
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