hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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