I'm going to jail i love you
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Randomize
