you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
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