Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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