the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
