im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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