Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
