she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
