and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
