the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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