I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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