There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
