Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
