the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
