I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
