two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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