The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
