Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
