We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Randomize
