All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
