I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
