i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
