Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
