My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize