i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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