So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
