just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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