I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
