i wish peter jackson would direct porn
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
