I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
