I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
