You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
so much tequila, so little girl.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
