so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
