the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
