he told me I talked like a deaf person
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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