Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.