please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
