I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year