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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

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• (206): View more from Washington

  i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps

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• (631): View more from New York

  Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"

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  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (763): View more from Minnesota

  My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.

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• (310): View more from California

  how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me

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• (772): View more from Florida

  So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.

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  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.

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• (415): View more from California

  "Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...

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