She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
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St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
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my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.