I hate all girls vehemently.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.