I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
