I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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