I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
