I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
