I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
