Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
