I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
