Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My dick has a subreddit
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
