i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
