he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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