How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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