What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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