Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
