meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
