would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
