I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
