I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
